FINDING YOURSELF TRILOGY

RECLAIMING YOUR AUTHENTICITY

“Just be yourself”, or more recently, "You do you" is advice that's thrown around a lot, especially when you're gearing up for important things like say a job interview or mustering up the courage to ask someone to the local dance. It sounds simple on the surface, but let me tell you, it can get pretty confusing in reality. It’s not easy trying to figure out who exactly this 'you' is. 

You approach a situation and you ask yourself, "Should I just be myself?" But then you start wondering, what if the real me isn't what others are expecting? What if being true to myself isn't the magic formula for landing that awesome job, for instance, or impressing that special someone? Suddenly, a new strategy starts to make sense: figure out what everyone else wants me to be and act accordingly. Sounds pretty smart, doesn't it? Well, I used to think so too. 

Let's say you're going for that new job interview, and you're convinced that being a super outgoing and bubbly person is what they're looking for. So, you put on this exaggerated personality, force yourself to be overly enthusiastic, and start cracking jokes left and right during the interview. But deep down, it feels like you're wearing a mask, and it's exhausting trying to be someone you're not. 

And what about that person you really like? You've heard they're into someone who's into all the latest trends and styles. So, you go out of your way to dress a certain way, talk about the things they're interested in, and pretend to be someone you think they'll find impressive. But it's a constant charade, and you can't help but wonder if they'd like the real you. 

Basically, pretending to be someone you're not might seem like a smart idea at first, but it hardly ever makes you truly happy or successful. It's tiring, fake, and won't last in the long run. Of course, there may be occasions when you have to adjust or act a certain way, but it should never make you sacrifice who you really are. 

That’s because there’s a real danger that in altering your core beliefs or pretending to be someone you're not, depending on who's around, you will run the risk of losing sight of your true self.  

But, when you let go of the need to please everyone else and focus on being the best version of yourself, that's when the magic happens. You'll attract the right opportunities, connect with people who appreciate you for who you are, and achieve things that truly matter to you. 

The problem is, being yourself isn't as simple as flicking a switch or making a sudden decision. It's not like waking up one morning and saying, "Hey, today I'm going to be 100% me," as if your true self was stashed away in the depths of your closet next to your old gym clothes, waiting for the perfect moment to make an appearance. Nope, it's a gradual journey that unfolds through the small choices we make each day.  

As a therapist, I see people dealing with this problem all the time. Imagine my office like a real-life Instagram feed, but instead of everyone appearing flawless and having everything figured out, they're all on a mission to uncover who they truly are, just like you. So, don't for one minute think you're the only one struggling while everyone else appears to have it all under control. The truth is, they're also going through the same journey of self-discovery as you. 

Discovering your authentic self is like solving a puzzle. Each day, you get to choose which puzzle piece to add next, slowly building the bigger picture. Some days, you might explore different interests and passions. Maybe you try out a new hobby or step outside your comfort zone to see what resonates with you. On other days, you might face setbacks or encounter pieces that don't fit right away. That's normal. It's all part of the process. 

Being authentic isn't about having everything figured out or presenting a perfect version of yourself to the world. It's about embracing the messy, imperfect journey of self-discovery and giving yourself the freedom to explore and grow. The key is to be kind to yourself and understand that finding your true identity takes time. It's okay to stumble and make mistakes along the way. Those experiences contribute to your growth and help shape the person you're becoming. 

Instead of comparing yourself to others, embrace the fact that everyone is on their own unique path. Just like you, they're figuring it out as they go. Trust that in due time, you'll piece together the puzzle of your authentic self, unveiling a genuine picture that reflects who you truly are. 

In the pages that follow, we’ll delve deeper into the intricacies of self-discovery, the struggles that come with it, and the potential rewards that await. We'll unpack some tools and strategies that can help make this journey a little less overwhelming. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution to self-discovery. It's a deeply personal journey that's as unique as you are. So, as you read on, bear in mind that it's not a race. It's a continuous exploration of becoming more you. By the end, I hope you'll be inspired to approach your own journey with more curiosity, compassion, and most importantly, authenticity. After all, being true to yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself and the world. 

TRUE NORTH

Most people are unsure about what they really want to do in life. They're not sure what their dream job is or what makes them really happy. It's not their fault; life today is complicated. We're overwhelmed with different career options and ways to spend our time.

Imagine standing on top of a tall mountain, staring down at a multitude of different trails that lead in all directions. You're frozen because you don't know which one to take.

Knowing yourself well is the key to picking the right trail. You have to really get what makes you tick, what you love, and what you stand for. If you don't, it's easy to end up on a path that doesn't make you happy.

Society doesn't make it any easier. We're often pushed to do what everyone else thinks is best, which can lead us to make choices that don't really fit us. This can leave us feeling lost or not satisfied with where we're at.

Thinking about the future is also stressful. Every choice you make means saying no to other options, and that's scary. We're afraid of making the wrong move, missing out, or failing altogether. These fears can stop us from figuring out what we want to do.

Also, what you're into or excited about can change over time. What used to get you all fired up might not do it for you anymore. That can feel like you're back to square one, trying to figure out what you want.

In truth, finding your way in life is a unique journey for each person. It means trying new things, learning about yourself, tackling your fears, and bouncing back when things don't go as planned. It's alright if you don't have it all sorted out immediately. Life is as much about the ride as it is about getting to where you want to be.

Let's be clear: finding what you're meant to do isn't something you figure out during a quick conversation. If anyone tells you otherwise, they're either clueless or trying to sell you some quick-fix plan that's too good to be true.

And just so we're on the same page, this book isn't going to hand you your life's purpose like it's a gift. It's not my place or anyone else's to tell you what to do with your life. That would ignore your own unique story and who you are as an individual.

What this book will do is give you some useful tips and advice to help you sort things out on your own. But you've got to be willing to put in the work, really taking the time to think deeply and examine yourself.

This book won't beat around the bush. It'll make you face some uncomfortable truths about yourself and what's going on around you. You might have to ditch some old beliefs or even go against what your friends or family expect from you. This journey is all about figuring out what works for you, not what other people think should work for you.

Finding your true calling in life is like solving a tough puzzle. It takes time, patience, and a lot of deep thought to put all the pieces together. And remember, your life's purpose isn't set in stone; think of it more like a compass that guides you.

Your purpose can change as you grow and learn more about yourself and the world. So, if what mattered most to you at one point doesn't feel as important later, that's okay. It's normal for your goals and desires to evolve.

We often hear vague advice like "find your passion," as if it's a treasure hunt where X marks the spot. There's also this push to "just get on with it," which can lead us to busy ourselves with stuff that ultimately gets us nowhere. Lots of people have talked about the search for meaning. Some call it "the hero's journey," others talk about "flourishing," and some even call it your "life path." But I like to think about it as your "Authentic Life Purpose," or ALP for short. It doesn't have to be some grand mission handed down from the universe; it's really about what feels right to you.

In this book, I'm not going to bog you down with heavy reading or complicated theories, I promise. I know what we all want is straightforward advice. While I'm not against spirituality, I think sometimes the terms used in that space can feel out of touch with real life. So let's leave talks about God or the Universe aside for now. I want to focus on finding what matters to you personally, what we're calling your "Authentic Life Purpose."

Finding your life's purpose doesn't have to be this big, scary thing. It's about figuring out what matters to you, what makes you feel fulfilled. We'll look at your interests, skills, and the unique ways you can make a difference in the world. And remember, it's okay if your idea of your life's purpose changes as you get older and learn new things.

We're going to get practical about this. We'll dig into what makes you tick, and think about what's most important to you. We'll look at how your life's purpose can shift as you learn more about who you are.

In this book, we'll go through some hands-on exercises to help you figure out your life's purpose. We'll do some deep thinking about what you love and how to line up what you do with what you believe in. It's all about getting clear on who you are deep down.

So let's start this journey together. No need for complicated ideas or spiritual buzzwords. We're going to keep it real and focus on what matters to you, using practical steps that help you get to know your own life's purpose better. Let's roll up our sleeves and get to it.

REPARENTING

We all remember those scraped knees and the soothing kisses from our parents that somehow made the pain go away. But what if those soothing kisses were missing? What if, instead of loving guidance, your childhood was marked by confusion, neglect, or even hurt? Those invisible wounds don't simply disappear as we grow up; they can linger, shaping our behavior, relationships, and sense of self-worth.

Enter reparenting.

Once upon a time, "reparenting" might have been a term you heard exclusively in therapy sessions. It could be likened to a therapist playing the role of a loving parent for a client who had experienced a difficult childhood, maybe filled with neglect or mistreatment. Imagine a professional wearing a parental hat, extending the understanding, empathy, and guidance that might have been lacking during those formative years.

But times have changed, and so has our understanding of reparenting. Today, we realize that reparenting isn't confined to a therapist's office, much like exercise isn't limited to the gym.

Think of reparenting as creating a recipe of care for yourself that was never handed down to you. It's like learning to cook a nutritious meal when you've only ever been fed junk food. It's about learning to give yourself the sustenance, love, and attention that you might not have received as a child.

This transformation from a therapeutic tool to a personal, empowering journey allows you to become your own nurturing mom or supportive dad. You learn to comfort and protect your inner child, who might still be carrying those old wounds. Some refer to this as self-parenting or self-reparenting.

In the pages that follow, we'll delve into the beautiful world of reparenting with practical examples like learning to say no when you're overburdened, much like a caring parent would prevent a child from taking on too much. We'll explore how to celebrate your successes, even the small ones, as a loving parent would proudly applaud a child's first steps or well-done homework.

Every chapter will guide you through relatable, hands-on strategies, and reflective exercises to build a wholesome, loving relationship with yourself. You'll discover how to become your own hero, just as a child looks up to a parent as a superhero. You'll learn to rewrite your story, not as a tale of hurt and loss but as an empowering journey of self-love, compassion, and growth.

Reparenting isn't about dwelling on past sorrows or pointing fingers. It's about embracing your power to heal, grow, and love yourself in ways you've always deserved but perhaps never experienced. It's about becoming the parent you needed and being there for yourself in every way. As you turn these pages, you take the first step toward rewriting your story, and I'm here to guide you every step of the way. Welcome to the journey of reparenting; welcome to the journey of rediscovering yourself.